You Suck

and not in a good way...

I went to see the new Beetlejuice movie the other night and there was a character in there that literally sucked the life out of people (well, souls) and then walked away with all their good energy. And I thought to myself… “Damn… that reminds of some of my ex-boyfriends.”

So, just to recap, I am a 50 year old divorcee who has been divorced for over 15 years. Since then, I’ve been on the dating scene and, maybe there’s something about getting older, but I’ve had a lot more vibe-sucking boyfriends in the past decade than I did when I was younger.

Take my most recent ex (please!*)... When I met him in 2021, I was feeling great about life, I was looking cute, feeling cute, my vibes were high and I was confident. By the time I broke up with him a year and a half later, I was way overweight and an emotional shell of myself. I was eating my feelings and had almost completely stopped doing all the things I was doing when I met him that contributed to my high vibe-ry. Like daily walking, meditating, journaling, etc. I was unrecognizable to myself. And, unfortunately, I’m still crawling out of that hole.

*only the olds will get that reference

There were a lot of micro-rejections with him. Not making me feel loved, desired or appreciated, being emotionally dismissive and withholding and not being affectionate. He stopped complimenting me and eventually would veeeery subtly throw shade at me. If I got my hair done, he’d have a snarky comment about it instead of saying that I looked nice. Or, second worst to the low key shade, not saying anything at all. He was a master of slowly chipping away at my self-esteem.

And I fucking fell for it too!

That’s what really gets me. I didn’t dump his basic ass when I knew it was time. Which, for the record, was about 5 months into dating. I didn’t listen to my gut and, as a result, a lot of unfortunate shit has happened since then. I sold a house I really loved in order to buy something for the two of us to live in that I ended up selling after the break up. I still have weight to lose, I’m still fighting to get back to myself and I haven’t gone on a single date in close to two years.

Sometimes I wonder if I don’t date because I’m afraid I won’t trust my gut again and get stuck with some vibe sucking turd.

However, life is all about getting back up when we’re pushed down, isn’t it? The difference between us and the souls being sucked in Beetlejuice is that we have the chance to come back and find ourselves again. And that is currently the biggest goal for myself and my greatest hope for anyone who has experienced the same thing - to not let a mutha effa keep us down and then happily walk away with all the good shit they stole from us.

So, I will work on pouring into myself and getting back to my happy place. I will learn that it’s never too late to find me again and it’s never too late to learn to trust my gut. She always knows what’s up. xo