Welp, I Went on a Date

and i got some good pen

A couple weeks ago I collected a few photos of myself, had my friend do some ever so slight “touch up” work to them and uploaded them to Tinder. I slapped out a quick profile blurb but kept it brief because I don’t think guys really pay attention to that. However, I did make sure to add a few requirements:

“Republicans, MAGA, religious - swipe left.”

These are my non-negotiables. Extra toes? No problem. Have an embarrassing tattoo? Hey, been there. Wear Skechers Arch Fit Summit slip ons? I’ll still give you a chance but we will be going shoe shopping. I won’t stand a right winger though.

The very first guy to slide into my messages asked me why I’m “ruling out half of the population because of a political litmus test.” Sir, first of all, fuck you. I’m allowed to set whatever parameters I want and I don’t have to explain myself to you. Second, I don’t have any interest spending my precious time getting to know someone who’s values and outlook on life, and the world, are diametrically opposed mine. And I’m sorry not sorry that gave you big feelings, Christopher. Unmatched. Next.

The next flurry of men that messaged me were normal. Some funny. Some boring. A lot boring. Some who got upset when I didn’t message them quick or often enough. But no major jerks. I had some good conversations. This one guy in particular was on my favorites list. He was so witty and attractive. We messaged back & forth on the app all night but then I never heard from him again. When I checked back in on him a couple days later, he had either unmatched me or got off the app. I simply can not bear the thought of him unmatching me, so I’d like to think his phone accidentally ejected from his pocket while driving to work the next morning and an oncoming vehicle ran it over. I’ll wait to hear back from him after he gets his phone replaced.

95% of the guys I’ve been matching with live about an hour & a half away. Which, at my age, #will_travel_for_peen #or_for_a_relationship_if_you_are_cool

One Thursday night a nice gentleman from my area messaged me and said “You had me at the swipe-left criteria. lol” okayyyy, Jim… you have my attention. We chatted on Tinder for a bit and he gave me his number. Normally I don’t give a guy my phone number until after I’ve met him in person - too many bad experiences. However, I had a good feeling about Jim so I gave him my number back. And by the next afternoon, we were meeting for a very low stakes coffee date.

I haven’t been on a first date in almost 5 years and I haven’t been on a date of any kind in almost 3 and a half years. However, I had zero nervousness. I also had zero excitement or anticipation. It just felt very whatever to me.

We met at a favorite coffee shop near my house and chatted about life, kids, work, divorces, and dating. It was nice. At one point in the conversation, he reached into his pocket and began fishing around. He grasped something that was long and stiff but I couldn’t tell what it was. He then unclasped his hand and presented me with… a pen. A pen that he got from the mechanic when he picked his car up earlier that day. Now, in his defense, they were giving them away AND it’s a preeeetty nice gel pen. So me, being the sweet angel baby that I am, pulled out a sheet of paper from my bag and scribbled my signature a few times to test the pen out. I praised it’s agility and ink quality and thanked him for thinking of me.

Anyhoo, we wrapped things up and have texted back and forth sparingly since then. Last weekend he invited me to meet him at the world’s smallest plant sale and we grabbed coffee afterwards. We barely contact each other and I’m fine with it. I am, however, happy that my first foray into dating after such a long break (long, for me) was with a really nice guy and not a creep who made me regret taking this leap.

The pickins seem slim in my neck of the woods, and in my age group, so last night I downloaded Bumble to diversify my portfolio. Maybe I’ll try Hinge too. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m desperate to date or to get these cheeks clapped (lol I am so sorry I just typed that), but I also know that I’m ready for some light dating and this just seems like the easiest way to put myself out there. I can swipe from the pantsless comfort of my couch whilst watching all of my Bravo stories.

So, dates one - and two - are in the books. And I got a pen out of it. A pen that writes like a dream! When is the last time a guy gave YOU a pen??