The Problem with Penis

is it worth the effort?

The only people I date are men. But men are also the ones that have fucked me over the most in my adult life. They’ve said some super hurtful shit to me. They’ve put me down. They’ve harassed me. They’ve cheated on me. They’ve scared me. They’ve made me cry. They’ve disrupted my peace. They’ve called me names. They’ve lied to me.

So why in the world would I even consider going back to the same species that has done all of this to me?

Well, the answer is simple. Dick.

I’m not built to go without for the rest of my life. And, despite the hardships of dating, I’ve also had a lot of really fun experiences - IF you know what I mean. I’ve been missing that part of life and let’s just say the streets have been calling.

So what’s a girl to do? Vibrators aren’t as fun so a man is required and that’s just that. I’ve come to terms with this fact.

But here’s the thing. I’m sure finding a guy just to have sex with is only a message or two away. However, I have to have some respect for and interest in them. I need to enjoy the vibes they bring to the function. I am hoping that they’re also a good, hilarious person that I like spending time with. And maybe we will find a situation that is mutually symbiotic.

So I’ve had to face the age-old question: Where will I meet some ding a ling? As a woman in my 50s, I guess… the dating sites. I’ve got some events in the coming weeks that I hope bear a morsel of fruit. I have plans this summer for some good concerts and festivals. I’ve never dated in my 50s so we’ll see.

But I dread the monotony of it all. Asking the same questions over and over. “Have you ever been married?” “Do you have kids?” “Where were you on January 6?” blah blah blah yada yada yada.

I will have to sift through a lot of men who are unkempt, boring, still pining after an ex and using dating to distract themselves, men who think that just because they send a message, they’re deserving of a response. Shit… I’ll probably have to shave my legs too. The list goes on.

It’s a lot of work for some dong. But, alas, I have committed myself to getting to know some new people this year with the cautiously optimistic hope that they have more to offer than the least common denominator. And maybe, juuuuuust maybe, I’ll even meet someone I’d enjoy being in a relationship with.

I only have a couple of friends my age-ish who are dating and we have vastly opposite attractions and priorities so it’s very hard to compare. I wish I knew more women in their 50s and beyond who are dating. I’d love to hear some aspirational stories. However, I also know attitude is everything, so I probably need to adjust mine.

I feel like a woman going into battle and having to prepare myself mentally and physically. All to get some wang. It better be worth it.