Pillow Talk With Your Parts

getting to know you

okay so let’s start off with some facts. Life can be a real b-i-t-c-h. BITCH! And too many times the people who we’ve brought into our circle have hurt us in a big way. Sometimes the hurt is manageable, we talk about it and move on. Other times the pain is so deep that it feels impossible to ever get past it.

I think it’s probably safe to say that we’ve all been hurt by friends, family and, of course, DUDES. My last two relationships were like a one-two punch that almost took me out. But, of course, didn’t. However, it did put me through a spell of having to analyze why it took me so long to get unstuck after them. Had I lost my get-back-up-again mojo? Was I officially down for the count? The referee is slamming on the mat and counting 5… 6… 7… is this it?? Am I done??

But then I went back to something one of my former therapists (shout out, Michelle!) taught me. I’ve maybe discussed it here before but it bears repeating. My therapist called it “parts work”, and this has been one of the best tools for my life - especially when feeling stuck.

So, you know how when you’re going through something, or feeling conflicted, and you’re weighing out all of the pros, cons, etc. and you say to yourself “Part of me feels this way. But part of me feels that way.” Well, Michelle had me sit with those feelings and single out just one of those “parts”. Chit chat with one side of your feelings. I’d identify it, sit with it, she’d ask me if it had a color or a feeling attached to it, and she would ask me to get me to get specific about that part. Really isolate it and connect with it. Have a conversation with it, actually.

Well that’s what I did during my journaling session the other day. After I was questioning whether or not I was stuck here for life, I sat with the part that’s been protecting me hard core for the past couple few years. What were they protecting me from? I mean, it’s obvious, but the goal is to go deeper and get very specific. What have been the benefits of that part protecting me? Have there been any downsides to that part so fiercely attempting to keep me safe? Identify it all. What would happen if I asked that part to take a break from being so protective? What would that feel like? What would it look like if I let that protective part relax and let another part take over?

And then I thought about what I would do for a loved one if they were down for the count. Without question I would be there for them in any way they needed. If someone I cared about broke both of their arms hydroplaning off a ski hill in the Swiss Alps and couldn’t feed themselves, I’d be right there playing airplane with the spoon while feeding them. So, knowing that, I can acknowledge that there is also a very nurturing, healer part within me.

I dialed into that inner nurturer and had a chit chat with that part. I acknowledged that I’m struggling and broken in some ways. My peace, my joy, my mojo, had hydroplaned off a ski hill in the Valley of Emotionally Unavailable Men and it’s time for me to take care of myself now in the same way I know I would for someone else.

What would that part do right now to help me nurture and heal myself? What would that feel like? To be nurtured now instead of constantly on high alert and in protection mode? What if I allowed myself to let the healer take over and ask the protector take a bit of a rest? What is the first thing my inner Florence Nighingale (pictured below) would do now?

Okay, what would my inner Florence Nightingale do after she’s done dropping it low?

Once I identified that, that’s what I did for myself that day.

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost the ability to pull yourself back from the quicksand of life, consider sitting with your parts and have a bona fide conversation with them. Identify what parts of you have been at the wheel that may need to take a back seat. Identify if there are other parts that you might want to step to the front of the line. What is your intuition or inner knowing wanting to tell you through this exercise?

You don’t have to do everything at once. For instance, for me, that day, I told myself to commit to walking daily - either outside of at the gym. I also told myself to add some healthy foods to my fridge so I always have something on hand that’s good for me, as opposed to rolling to through the drive through whenever I wanted to eat... my feelings. (Except Chipotle. Never gonna give them up.)

Through sitting with myself that day, I identified a couple tiny things that I could do to take care of myself in this moment in time. I allowed my inner nurturer to speak to me instead of being stifled. My protective part hasn’t completely retired. They’re still on the clock but with every instance that I do something healing, they’re allowed to take a few breaks throughout the day. And the more I take care of myself, the more I feel good about myself and that just helps to show myself that I’ve still got it.

My mojo isn’t gone - she’s just been on a break. And that’s okay. We all need a break sometimes.