hi! howdy! hello!
Hi and welcome to my Substack! I’m so glad you’re here! Let me introduce myself. My name is Toby and I’m an (almost) 50-year-old woman from ye olde Midwest. About 12 years ago I wrote a dating blog where I went out with 30 different guys and blogged about it, about my experiences in general with dating, the dating sites, men’s bathroom mirror selfies, etc. I’ve long forgotten my login for that blog and don’t have that e-mail address anymore so it’s just hanging out there with all the other tumbleweed blogs that have been abandoned. I enjoyed that writing experience so much and the people who used to read it claimed to have enjoyed it so I thought… let’s do this again! Except this won’t just be about dating. Even though I had already been through a divorce by then, I feel like this past decade+ has really put me through life’s bootcamp with relationships, dating, working at an unfulfilling job, figuring out who I am in this life and generally just starting to kinda like myself.
In these past 12 years I have dated extensively and have a lot of stories – which I’ll be sharing!, I’ve bought, renovated and sold a couple homes, I left a secure corporate job that I hated, I started meditating and journaling, I’ve met some incredible people who have changed my life, I went to a lot more therapy, I became an empty nester and, now, at the ripe old age of (almost) 50, I feel like I’m finally starting to know what I want in life and I’m beginning to go after it. I’m pursuing long-dormant dreams and creating new ones. I’m beginning to live life more proactively instead of reactively.
Probably the biggest lessons I’ve had in my adult life – especially in the past few years – have come from the end of some of the most painful romantic relationships that I’ve ever had. But, had it not been for the end of those relationships and the way they ended, I wouldn’t have been able to find myself. I used the tools I gained from dating those tools and started to transform and evolve as a human being and as a woman.
That’s why this is called The Joys of Ex. Because finding your new beginning after a painful end (or several) has turned out to be so joyful. There’s just too damn many joys to list! You know the saying “I’m so glad I didn’t get that thing I thought I wanted”. Yeah, I live by that. I have truly come to see how incredible shit became when I stopped holding on to things and people that I thought I wanted buuuuutttt… knew deep down weren’t what was best for me. At least not best for the me that I wanted to be.
Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy my blog-a-rino here and, if you’re so inclined, subscribe! I’ll be doing some top secret posts for paid subscribers with some of my dating stories of yore and, when I get back on that saddle, of present. I’ll share some projects I’m working on and maybe even share some nudes. lol I kid! I kid…
If you’ve read this far, THANK YOU! I look forward to this new journey – hopefully with you by my side!